Episode 8

Merging Important Assets: Marriage and Kids!

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Sometimes people learn from their experiences; other times they just press the redial button over and over again.  Walking down the aisle for the second or third time plus merging families can bring up endless questions. From planning the wedding to sharing the holidays, there is a lot to figure out. How have you handled everything?  Tell me your stories.

Your stories

  1. Retirement ...a new life!!!!

    by Sherrin
  2. The Blushing Bride

    by The One that Got Away
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  1. Retirement ...a new life!!!!

    by Sherrin I worked most of my adult life...and those who knew me well said I would be bored in retirement!!!! Has never happened and I have been retired since the eve of my 60th birthday, year 2000, when I begged to be let go in a corporate takeover. Yes, I loved the challenges brought to me as a telecom manager for a large corporate bank, but one too many takeovers and more loss of staff ....left me no choice! I actually rejoiced in the halls of the bank...like I was a female Rocky!!!! Never looked back...not once!!!! Love retirement can pick up old hobbies, try new ones, watercolor painting, gardening, volunteering, small trips with gardening friends. Ahhh and new passion was trained as an Animal Healer/ Communicator working with horses and dogs! It can be whatever you want for the most part. Creaking limbs have shortened some hobbies but there are always new ones...learned fb and read like crazy now and research whatever topic I find interesting ...civil war, family history, etc. love it
  2. The Blushing Bride

    by The One that Got Away My child's deadbeat dad is too broke to pay the child support arrears, but not too broke to buy a five carot diamond ring for his fiancee. Too broke to pay the child support, but not too broke to pay for a lavish wedding. Too broke to pay the child support, but not too broke to go on a two week honeymoon to an international jet-setters' deluxe dream. Too broke to pay the child supprt, but not too broke to take a two week vacation to yet another tropical resort two months after the honeymoon vacation. Too broke to pay the child support, but not too broke to donate thousands for corporate tables for a charity fundraiser (for women's abuse and children's abuse centres) while being an abuser, and deadbeat dad of over 2 million dollars. Too broke to pay the child support, but not too broke to live in a million dollar home. Fairy Tales built on the broken backs of mothers who are owed their money FIRST, give as good as they get. Dear Brides to be, court archives never lie.
  3. The Merged family

    by Tammy I am a recently married woman after being single for 20 years and I raised my two boys on my own with no help from their father. With determination and strength, it can be done. He has two kids, and they live in another state and it's hard to accept their behaviors and how they were raised strict like I raised my boys by the book. Im in the Military so it's hard to be around that behavior, so I am glad they are older and we dont have them. But still with their attitude it's hard to be around them. But because I love their Dad I am dealing with it the best I can. The way I look at it, I married my husband and not his kids. So watch out if you do get involved with step kids; it can be a challenge..
  4. We paid.

    by Katherine When women used to remain at home prior to marrying, it was only acceptable that Mom and Dad picked up the tab. Now its more acceptable for the couple to pay. The stupidest thing I see on a frequent basis are couples going into hock to pay for a one-day party--which is all a wedding is. By all means, have a lovely wedding, but don't go into debt to pay for it, particularly not the second or third time around. Our daughter calls my husband "Daddy" though he is in reality her step-father. It's only natural since she met him as an infant and her biological father has never seen her in person. We discussed parenting and how we'd handle issues long before we ever went down the aisle together. When we married, my husband made vows regarding his impending fatherhood and I made vows to support him in that role. It's worked very well for us.
  5. Depends on your age - but follow your heart

    by J. The first time I got married I had to please my parents: Italian guy only or else. I fell in love with a nice Puerto Rican but dad would have no part of that. Three years and 1 son later I was divorced. Seven years later I again fell into the Italian trap - younger man - good in bed (or so I thought at the time!) - but I had to kick his cheating ass to the curb. 23 years and 1 son later I was divorced (happily) Now it is happening again - next year it will be marriage number 3 and I know this will be the LAST one. Why? Not because I am old (60) but because I am following my heart and marrying that Puerto Rican I met when I was 18.
  6. You Better Talk First!

    by Daci I married the second time and my head was full of hot, pink smoke! It should have been full of questions like: how do we spend money? He thought I was rich and loved spending but we never talked about that or where we would live. Two big mistakes right off the bat! Our biggest fights were over my spending habits for one and living in HIS house, #2. It is critical for people who are marrying more than once to not live in either one's house. Start out a new marriage in a place that's new to both of you and eliminate turf wars. I got yelled at for putting the silverware in the wrong slot. Didn't matter to me as long as it was not scattered all over the counter. Oh yes this too: Two female dogs do not get along just because they are females. My dog beat the crap out of his dog and you should have heard the fights then! Colossal! The whole weird experience lasted fourteen war-torn months. Now I am alone and quite happy, thank you. I married thinking I could not take care of myself!
  7. Kryptonite!

    by Valerie Becoming a blended family was easy for us, but we knew the kids could make us or break us. Three of the four were teenagers. We just did a lot of "family" outings before and during the early part of our marriage. We also included the kids in the wedding. We all exchanged "Family Rings" and we all agreed on a "Family Song" to be something to represent us all during the reception as well as through our life together. Six years isn't long to some people, but we are still going strong and those older three are in college now, the youngest still with us and doing awesome. Commitment and Love. An occasional shot of tequila helps.
  8. Still floundering after 20+ years...

    by Elizabeth A first marriage for me, second for him. We each had one daughter, and eventually had a third daughter together. My own stepmother helped me a lot, although she never knew it. It was so simple, she introduced me to my father's friends as "this is Mac's daughter." Well, she helped me with introductions anyway. (rueful smile) In the over twenty years we have been married, we have always thought of ourselves as a package deal; two parents with three kids. There is no yours, mine, and ours. The oldest two were just lucky or unlucky to have extras (parents). Sure, there are arguments, issues, resentments, and that never-ending sibling rivalry. There are lines not to cross, like balancing on a tightrope maybe. Sometimes the line is hazy, or flat-out ignored. I think that is fairly routine stuff for any family. Bottom line, we raised three intelligent decent people who are not totally useless. The baby has started college, and the empty nest is within our reach!
  9. In the Dining Room

    by Ella Sitting with my parents in the living room, the telephone rang and my sister told my mother she was getting married. I still hear my mother saying "you're too young". She was 21, and thirty nine years later they are still married. I remember dancing with my new brother-in-law and said take care of her and he said "she better take care of me". Well my sister was in a car accident a couple years ago, and he really did take care of her. My dad paid for the wedding, and we all did the bunny hop. Someone once told me marriage is a business. Maybe a marriage should form a company and sell stock to see how long it will last.
  10. Pay for your own wedding!

    by Love I believe that couples should pay for their own weddings. The brides' parents paying for it was back in the day when women were considered property, hence dowries. If you are mature enough to get married, you should be adult enough to pay for your own wedding. Anything else from others is a GIFT. (This extends to honeymoons as well!) But if someone does pay, remember that strings might be attached. You cannot expect them to foot the bill and all of your demands...
  11. Importance of Family

    by Sandy I have been married for 16 years. We are both Puerto Rican. I was born in Puerto Rico; he was born in Miami Fla. We married when I was 20, and he was 21. We had our first child 3 years later, then our second child 4 years later. I wanted to give some space in my marriage to get to know each other, since we never lived together before marriage as we believe it's not the right decision to take. In between the kids, I gave myself enough time to get to know my first born better and learn what being a Mom was like. We were ready to have another child 4 years later. I think that giving space in new things in life, tends to make you wiser. You learn from your mistakes, even though you really try to make as few as possible. I am now 36 years old & still happily married. My kids are a mirror of us. I love how they grow and I see that what we have taught them is working. It's all about taking time to learn about each other, working out any differences, and keeping it positive. The center of my Family is God no doubt.
  12. So much better the second time around!

    by M.R. My first marriage lasted 12 years and produced two children. There is nothing more important in my life than my kids. About five years after my divorce, when my kids were 15 and 13, I started dating again. Because I was and still am always open with my kids, they let ME know when they were ready to meet the "new guy." When I married that same man three years ago, both of my kids were in the party (it sure makes it easy to choose a Maid of Honor when that can be your daughter!) and hubby is better to my kids than their own father is or ever has been. My advice, if your kids are older, like mine were, let them dictate when they're ready to meet the new guy. And if they're younger, all I can say is be careful of bringing men (or women, for that matter) into their lives only to have that person leave.
  13. If Only I Had Known!

    by Kay I have been married four times. First at age 16 to someone I thought was my whole world as that's what he told me I was. What a mistake and what a nightmare that turned out to be! I thank God we did not have children because he went into the Army, and when he came home, he was abusive and he almost killed me. It took me four years to get out of that marriage. Then I went back East to work and met a great guy. He was a medic. We moved in together after just a few weeks of knowing each other and bam, I'm pregnant. He is so happy! So we get married. I'm now 21; we have another child, move to my home town, life goes to hell and another divorce. Now my family takes care of us, and I meet husband #3. He is my night in shinning armor. We marry. I'm now 32. He pays for a wedding every little girl wishes for, but he was a control freak thus 15 years later-divorced! Then husband #4 - five years as friends, combined families and 15 years married now. Wished I'd never married at 16. If only I'd known!
  14. Paying for additional weddings...

    by Paul I believe that the daughter and the new husband-to-be should be responsible for paying for their own wedding. The parents already did their part for the first or even the second marriage. Where does it say the parents should pay for all of their daughters wedding? The average family could end up going bankrupt just putting out for weddings.
  15. Second chances

    by Alex M. I was married to my first husband for eight years; our son is now 17. We have been divorced for 11 years. I just got remarried last year. I did learn a lot. In the 10 years post divorce, I spent a lot of time getting to know myself. There were some lonely times, but the loneliness was a learning experience for me. I never wanted to make another mistake and marry the wrong guy for the wrong reasons. The time I spent alone, and it wasn't the entire 10 years, more like 5, helped me to get to know myself. I think you have to spend time alone to really get to know who you are. Not being in a relationship allows you to learn about you...what you want, what you don't want, what makes you happy. It's not for everyone, but I look back as being alone as a positive experience. My new husband was only single for two years.
  16. I met Mr. Right online...

    by Tanya I was a single mother of three and had been single for 10 years. I decided to search for my Mr. Right on Match.com because two of my girlfriends have had success with the site. I came across Mr. Right's profile and loved what he had to say but mostly loved the pic of him on his Harley! We finally met at a local coffee shop and four years later, we are still married with a daughter. We paid for our own wedding. My husband's parents had passed away, so we have his siblings and nieces/nephews up for holidays with my family. It's great because we all get along and have fun! So far. Both families like to have family game nights and that is kept separate. We drive south once a month to his brother's home for game night. And my family comes to our home once a month for game night. With the new little one, she is not thought of as a half sister by her siblings at all and they get angry if she is referred to as their half sib. He didn't have any other child of his own prior to meeting me.
  17. Comfort and Sanity

    by Stacy I remarried when the kids were 18 and 16. Home is the safety spot of life. I made sure that they were comfortable with my new life before making a life-changing experience. I needed to know that the person I chose for the second part of my life could accept the baggage and complications that came along with the happily ever after. So many people are looking for the happily ever after with their eyes closed. Life is about comfort and sanity, when you feel that, home can be that as well. When you are all on the same page, there's happiness...
  18. Before I said 'Yes'...I said kids first!

    by K.M. When we got married, my husband had a 17 year old daughter and I had a 4 year old daughter. In the 30 minutes directly following his proposal of marriage, and before I said yes, we discussed where the children would "fit in" so to speak. I told him that I would never put him before my child and would not want to be with him if he were to put me before his child. We agreed that the kids would ALWAYS come first, and that we would ALWAYS present a united front, no matter what issues we faced with our kids...and then I said yes. It worked! We've been married for 15 years and are more in love today than we were back then! Putting the kids first does not mean letting them control you, your emotions, or your pocket book...it just means that they are the most important people in your life and they need to know that. A year after we married, he adopted my daughter. Watching my husband be a loving and devoted father has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life!
  19. Step Coupling

    by Cindy My husband and I have been married 7 years. We came from very simiilar backgrounds. He had been married before with 2 teenage boys (ages 15 & 17) and I had been married with one boy (15) and one girl (12). I thought that everyone should be accepting of our new family, including our children. Boy was I in for a shock! My husband and I learned from counseling, church, and my mother and father-in-law that it wasn't a fairy tale at all. They were both from marriages with blended families and made it look so easy. My mother-in-law told me, "You and your husband decide what the rules are and what punishments need to be carried out. If it is his children, he implements the punishment and if it is your children you do the punishing." That was what probably saved us from hearing 'he's not my dad' and 'she's not my mom' from each other's children. It has not been easy. Remember you are a couple. Once the children are gone, it's just you two. Don't give up on your relationship!!!
  20. Finally Met Mr. Right!

    by Marlena My first husband was a high school love. We loved each other dearly and finally married. However, as much as we loved each other we just didn't mesh well, but we weren't willing to let go either. I had 2 children already and then we had 2 children together. All was relatively ok until he passed away way too young. It was during that dark stage for me that Mr. Right came along and found me. He was my light at the end of the tunnel and from the moment we met we were inseparable. I kept the kids from meeting him at first, but I knew I was going to marry him so the kids finally met him. He and the kids get along so well and the two youngest ones call him dad. We finally married after dating for 5 years. He is everything I have ever searched for and I can be 100% myself with him. Even after 5 years I am still getting used to the type of relationship we share and the close knit family unit he has helped make stronger.
  21. Marriage #2

    by Jerry When I married for the second time, I learned my lesson very well. All assets were kept in separete names with 3 accounts setup, I have mine, she has hers, and the third one we both contribute to for monthly bills. Also we both signed prenups to cover any assets that were ours before the wedding.
  22. Lessons & Planning

    by Jake I've learned the hard way not to introduce my boyfriends to my kids until after the wedding (lol), but seriously, I've learned not to introduce everyone until after the third date. I've also had to plan my own wedding, which was simple but elegant. When the marriage failed, I then explained what happened to my kids, and now, even though we're not together anymore, the guy is still in my kids lives as "daddy".

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