Episode 16
Show Me The Money
- Video
- Stories
- Contribute
When it comes to managing money, it’s better to be “in the know” than left in the dark. Many people, mostly women, would rather let someone else handle the finances. Whether you hold the purse strings or not, it doesn't mean you have to be clueless about money...especially when it's yours. I’m sure there are many stories out there about how you handle your money or how someone close to you does. Anything to share?
Your stories
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NESTING SYNDROME
I noticed through the years that we women are inborn with *nesting* as we trust & imagine it is for life to be married & forget that it is a give & take...not just give, give, give. I met one man who told me this which changed my *nesting* ways. He said, *We men, we know the heart of women, when we see one with a good heart, we can empty their bank accounts in no time.* Since then, when I meet a man & the moment he asks me for money to help him or this or that, I remember what that man told me and it's Hit the Road Jack & Don`t Come Back No More! Especially online, I can smell them the moment they come online. It doesn`t take long before they ask for money & of course..Delete! It`s okay to help out if it is an emergency & your partner has always been paying his way and has been generous always with you. Things happen, but if it happens too often & he doesn`t pay you back, he never will and you end up in front of Judge Judy. Be smart. Keep your Nest Egg for you! -
Sock Money Topic: Unsure...
I am in a relationship, where I´m cluless about my partners income. I do not have an income of my own. He does have his own business, but, he doesn´t include me much..... I haven´t work for the last 4 years, because I have been looking after our child. In the first years it suited me or us, being at home, but I have now realized, that I do need to start earning my own income. My partner, is the one who has been supporting me, and our child, since we´ve been together. For the last 4 years, he keeps saying, that I´ll be getting back to work,but at the same time, he says, that he doesn´t want me to get stuck with his work, because we won´t than be able to go on vacations, etc etc. Outside this relationship, there´s another child from my side, which I haven´t been able to support. I thought, that getting in this relationship, I would be able to support my other child. I also cannot go out by myself, neither with my other child or family member. Just with him, or with his consent. -
This wife handles the finances.
I'm 34, my husband is 29. It took a long time for me to accept his proposal. I'm pretty independent and didn't want that to change. I handle all the money. He got in some trouble with credit cards when he was young, and I wanted to know where every penny we earned went. Conversely, I've always been really good with money. We have a joint account and each a separate account. We both deposit 70% of our pay in the joint, and I pay the bills. The extra 30% is "my money". My husband doesn't know about the bills. I'll mention when a bill is paid, but he doesn't show much interest. Our relationship with money is the opposite of "usual" husbands and wives. And we're both okay with that. -
Father knows best!
When I was a teenager on the verge of stepping out into the world, my father made me promise to always keep my money as my own. Meaning, maintain your own checking account, do not co-mingle money with any man, and pay what you owe. Now that years have gone by, Dad has passed away but the lessons he taught me stuck around. I always live by his rules of financial management. My husband of 10 years has no problem with keeping our money separate. As a matter of fact, my husband says he will advise our daughter to do the same one day! -
Lending money to family members
I am now a 40 yr old women and 9 years ago I had lost my son of 5 years. I received a settlement due to his death and I was asked to loan a family member money with the verbal agreement that I would be paid back. (still nothing) I am so upset with this person, as well as myself, for not being a upscaled person to pay me back. The money I lent him, $5,000 plus, in my opinion was blood money from loosing my son at such a young age. I wish there was a way to retrieve at least some of it back. I know I was wrong for loaning it in the first place but he was a business owner and had always payed me back until now. I have let it go but would love to get some type of help getting some of my money back. -
Keep It Simple!
My boyfriend and I have lived together for almost five years with little to no financial issues. He maintains his own checking account and I my own. He pays the mortgage and any bills that are personal (for his car, credit cards, etc). I pay all utilities and most groceries. If my bills are more than the mortgage that month, he helps with groceries. We talk to each other before making major financial decisions and try not to be too nosy. So far so good, we both are responsible and keep it simple! -
The son's point of view
My mother has never been adept with handling finances. Most of her life, she's had someone's help, from her parents, to her now ex-husband, to eventually me. Now educated and out of the house, I taught myself to apply for student loans, lease an apartment, do my taxes, and manage my own expenses. At the same time, I handle a few important things such as making sure her car gets inspected and doing HER taxes, while I watch her barely live paycheck to paycheck knowing she can afford to really save. Despite her income approaching six figures a year, she has no property, no financial security, not even a small padding of savings. While I'm thankful for the important lessons I learned early on, I'm sometimes resentful that I never got any helping hand in learning to handle finances. Meanwhile, I worry more and more that she will someday rely on others financially despite knowing she has the income now to plan for retirement. It's so easy nowadays - for your sake, learn to handle your money! -
This goes both ways...
When I got married, I was in and out of the hospital for several years, as I was rear ended by a car doing sixty while sitting at a red light on my motorcycle. My wife handled the finances. As the bills seemed to disappear from the around the house as fast as they came in, I went into her closet to see if I could find them to see what was up. I found them alright, all paid late, with many being paid only partially if at all. In the meantime, all I ever heard from my ex-wife was how her prior husband ruined her credit, and here she was doing the same to me. I regret not getting the marriage annulled when she finally came clean and told me she had lied to me before we got married about her finances, as she was in debt up to her eyeballs, owing literally tens of thousands on her credit cards alone. Some of them were at over 30% interest. My saving grace was that she refused to have joint accounts, so when the divorce came, she lost everything, including the remainder of her savings. -
Managing Money to Enjoy Life
I happen to enjoy some good nosh at Nate and Al's in Beverly Hills to traveling around the world. If one does not manage money correctly they could be in debt and not be able to enjoy life. Working for your rewards is truly the only way you can get the things you want. If you always borrow money and cannot pay it back then your not a mensch. Its best to write a contract if you are really in need of the money. One word of wisdom don't use the money for tobacco or other nonsense items. Use it for the daily basics with the intention to pay it back. You could eat 100 New York sandwiches at Nate and Al's but you need to work for them. There is no free lunch. -
Fool Me Once, Shame on Me, Fool me Twice...
At the beginning of our marriage, I handled the finances because my husband openly admitted that he was clueless when it came to managing a household. After a few years, he saw how stressed I was becoming about money and insisted on taking over. I handed everything over willingly, and was surprised how easy it was for us. I thought he must have been a secret expert because we were suddenly able to eat out and have fun. Turns out, he was completely ignoring bills, my credit cards in particular, and letting them lapse into collections. I only found out when I was checking the mail one day and saw a red envelope from American Express. I took back over and somehow salvaged our credit with great pleading and apologizing on my part to the creditors. Six years later, after his last deployment he asked again to take over the finances. I gave him a detailed brief on it before handing them over again. It lasted 2 weeks before the first bill was late. I snatched the responsibility back that day! -
I WANNA KNOW!
This is definitely a subject that couples, married or not, should discuss before anything else. And more about money should be taught in school! I married young and let my husband deal with money issues. I should have paid more attention and I would have been better prepared for the day, 22 years later, when we split. Today he is worth at least a million and I am OK but still scratching. We fought about money more than anything else. My input regarding how to spend it was disregarded. I cannot complain too much because during our marriage me and my two kids were always well taken care of. We lived in nice houses and had good times. But I sure wish I had known more. Now I'm more on the defensive and question items on my grocery ticket etc. I'm by no means where I would like to be as far as money knowledge is concerned. -
Early Life Lessons
After watching my Grandmother being left high and dry by my Grandfather in their divorce, because she had no idea where the money was, I got a clue. But it was after my father’s heart attack and his talk to us, his daughters, that I really learned. He told us to look at our mother and see the fear, that they’d made mistakes. We were told to never be wholly dependent on a man and to always know where the money was going. At 10 years of age, that’s a life altering lesson. After my father recovered, Mom got a job. Once a week they’d sit together after dinner and do the bills, thier kids watched and learned. Prior to me getting married, I told my intended, that the marriage was going to be 100% equal marriage and no shared accounts; he agreed. Because marriage is a business, it worked. We talked before spending, set goals and we both bring in a check, paying the agreed amounts to bills and joint savings. Life lessons early resulted in great rewards. -
Micro-managing or being responsible?
Growing up in a family where finances were a mess and we were always battling poverty taught me a lot. My parents didn't pay attention a bit to how much money was coming in or going out. I am not like that at all. In my marriage, I handle all the finance and budget issues. I pay all the bills, organize the paperwork, and check the credit card bill. We pay everything with credit card so we have a record of our expenses and pay off the credit card balance in full each month. By doing this, some might think I am micro-managing, but my husband and I are in agreement that it is wonderful. In the 8 years we have been married, we have never fought about money. -
Show me the Green!
When I first got married, I let my husband handle the finances -- not because of cluelessness but because most of the bills were ones he had acquired before we were married. It most likely wouldn't have changed my decision to marry him, but he had a sensible amount of credit card debt he acquired before we were married. Since then, to make sure we don't end up in that situation again, I have taken the reigns on our finances. According to our statements, we should be fully paid off on our credit card debt within 3 years. And, if it works out right, I will be able to put that money toward our student loans after. There is no doubt in my mind that with persistence, optimism and a strict budget, we will be paid off in no time. -
Momma told me
My mother was a great teacher. Mother believed that every child boy/girl must learn reverse rolls. Everything the boys were taught, I must learn and vise versa. Every week we would receive an allowance of 10 cents. We would go to the store and buy a bag full of candy (1960's this would buy a nice bag). I would choose 2 pieces and save the rest. Before the next Friday would come, my brothers would either barter or buy on credit toward next weeks allowance for my candy. Early in life, I learned to indulge myself, not be greedy and save for the future. Today I am 61, divorced, happy and have very little outstanding credit. I have an IRA and will retire in July 2013 at age 62. As for my brothers, their financial lives are not great and little to show for a lifetime of work and I do not think they will be able to retire. They will work till they die.They spend too much and indulge on credit (as they did as children). For me I am happy in Alabama, ching, ching. -
I Thought I Could Trust Her...She Has an Acctg Deg
A now former friend of mine and her husband took me in "as family" 2 years ago when I had a job offer that I was sure to get. I relocated from out of state. Job went to someone else, but I was able to get temporary work 'til an assignment turned permanent a yr later. I handed over my paychecks to help pull my weight. When I got permanent wk, I handed over 1/2 each ck ($800/mo., rent was $870/mo.) I got my tax refund of $3200 which she ended up begging me for a total of $1800 in addition to $800/mo. I got a ck from school for $1200 which she took under false pretenses. When I lost my job, she and her husband left me, my son, and HER son (all unemployed) in an apt IN THEIR NAME with no way to pay ANYTHING! I'm currently re-employed and in the process of gathering evidence to sue her for the $1200, since she deposited it into HER acct, when WE were supposed to open a savings account with it. Lesson I Learned: DEAL WITH YOUR OWN MONEY! -
Other Circumstances...
I have managed the finances in all my relationships. I don't WANT to! I'm bad with money, It's caused problems in previous relationships. My fiancé is different to other relationships - he is bi-polar. When he had a particularly bad spell three years ago we semi-merged our money (still separate bank accounts) because he couldn't handle the pressure of bills - not just the letters coming in but the actual paying of bills, and his illness can manifest itself in spending sprees he later regrets. If I had my choice, I would still have separate bank accounts and he would handle the money. I hate money. I hate that I have to know interest rates and charges and banks. I hate telling him that we can't do something because we have no money, After 30 years of handling the finances - I want to be taken care of. Old fashioned and sexist I'm sure but it's how I feel. Since he is unable,I tell him everything about our finances when he can deal with it. Honesty is essential. -
29 Years of Money Juggling
When we first got married, hubby paid all our bills at once and we didn't have money for food or gas, so I showed him how to budget for sure dates. I've been the money handler for the 29 years of our marriage. I don't like it. Too much responsibility for one person.I try to include him in as much as I can, but his input is limited. It takes a lot off my free time. Right now, I'm shopping for electric suppliers, getting new quotes for home owners insurance, car insurance, on top of getting our income tax paperwork ready to file. I beat myself up thinking we should have more savings than we do because I had to do this task myself. It falls on my shoulders. -
Money handler
My husband was not financially responsible when we married. We agreed I would "do" the money. Not because I was a whole lot better at it but to keep it from becoming a bigger mess with both of us messing around with the check book and bills. Now I show him what we are paying but I still "do" the money. -
Left in the Dark
About 12 years ago, I got married and let my husband control all the finances in the household. So in doing that I had no idea that he took out a second mortgage on the house and how many credit cards that he had. I was given money each week to go grocery shopping and that was it. Five years into it, we had one child and I was pregnant with our second child when he left on Christmas day with his mistress. Two days after he left, I went to the bank to get a little cash to take my son to McDonald's for his birthday, only to find out that the bank had been overdrawn. I went home and went through his desk only to find how deeply in debt we truly were. Come to find out we were $84,000 dollars in debt, so here I am pregnant and a child to support, no job as I had been a stay at home mom. So with no way to pay bills or take care of my children, I was left with no choice but to move in with my parents. I am now remarried and refuse to be left in the dark again, and we're both happy to share this. -
I'm the CFO, he's the CEO.
I handle the day-to-day paying of the bills and finances. However, the subject of money is an almost daily conversation in our home. We review monthly statements together and quarterly I provide him with a "net worth" statement. In the event I were to be hit by this proverbial bus everyone keeps warning me about, I keep detailed instructions (including screen shots) on how to access our accounts, usernames, passwords, and account numbers, plus important contact names (like our mortgage loan officer) where he can immediately access them. We set goals together and I provide the progress updates. Prior to getting married, we both agreed on how we'd manage the money and that being debt-free (excluding a mortgage) was the best way to go. I think because of the extensive discussions we've had, plus the fact that we keep each other informed and have mainly stuck to our "debt-free" goal over the years (excluding a short-term car loan), we rarely, if ever, fight about money. -
My money
I have always been my own financial advisor. Married to my first husband, I paid all the bills. After we divorced, I vowed not to make the same mistakes twice with credit cards and borrowing from Peter to pay Paul scenarios. I was single for 10 years, and did a good job of managing my own money. When I married for the second time, I wanted to keep things separate. I have my own accounts, credit cards & savings. He has his. I pay my own bills, he pays his own. We split everything down the middle. It works for us. And I feel in control of my own bills, and finances. We are both very responsible that way. -
Handling the money
My husband and I decided that I would be the one who handled all the banking and paying the bills. When we receive the bank statements, they are on the dresser for his viewing if he chooses to, there are no secrets in our home and if there is a major purchase desired, we always talk about it first. I have a friend recently divorced, and she told me her horror story about their debt that she never even knew about, they had to foreclose on their home, and file bankruptcy. She allowed her husband to do all their finances and she never opened the mail, my husband opens mine and I open his, we have nothing to hide, so that would never be an issue. So I recommend every married couple to open the mail and be aware. -
I handle the finances, not my husband
When my husband and I got married, nobody really handled the finances because we didn't have a lot of financial commitments other than rent, phone and cable that needed to be covered. We since have bought a house, and a new truck, and unfortunately acquired a couple of credit cards and have most of the bills going through my bank account on automatic withdrawal. They used to go through my husbands account, but things would bounce because he is an impulse buyer. He likes to buy me things, but I know there are more important things. I don't need more "stuff". I made my husband's bank account a joint one so I can transfer money, and I give him an allowance. I keep an excel spread sheet on my computer with all the bills and money coming in on it and it does the math for me. I set up a book with each bill on its own page and since I do internet banking, I record the transaction number amount and date so I don't have to keep the paper bill. The system works great. -
Loyal Husband Takes Care of Finances
My husband takes care of our finances. I have difficulty because I have MS with some cognitive dysfunction. Does this leave me vulnerable and dependent? Absolutely. Luckily, I married a man who is very loyal and responsible, AND he's an accountant! I have no idea what our combined income is and what our outgo is, and he's tried to show me how to use "Quickbooks" but to no avail. I'm very blessed to have such a wonderful husband of 19 years. I know many people aren't so lucky. -
Better Sooner than Later
We have a dear family friend who has just turned (a very young) 80. Three years ago her husband had a debilitating stroke leaving her to manage the bills which HE had done exclusively for 60 years. With the help of her children she had to learn ALL the financials regarding personal accounts, billings, loans, pensions, stock portfolios and such. She even learned how to communicate and bank via computer. Luckily for her, they and their assets are comfortable. BUT! When she finally had an understanding of her finances (and after asking her husband for many years for a new sewing machine and he saying, "No") she went out and bought that new sewing machine vowing to never again leave her finances in someone else's hands. -
So True About Women & Money
I`m very artistic so for me counting was always a problem and even at school I was zero in math but 100 in Algebra..go figure that one out! Still today I even make mistakes on a calculator and have to start over several times. I just hate managing money. I`m 69 and just now I am forcing myself to manage my money better instead of always letting someone else do it. Always had girlfriends who were accountants:) So this year am doing all my accounting and preparing for the accountant instead of just throwing all in an envelope for her to sort out. Will cost me less too and I will see better where am going. I see a difference and saving much more and surprise..I end up with more money! It is important that women learn to do so because who knows how much money I was bilked without knowing in my life. 1000 times over! -
GEVALD!!!! (disaster)
Fifty years ago when we married, we agreed that I would handle the money and did I handle it - Well? I was so organized and reliable about paying our bills - that I even kept track of what I saved with grocery coupons - so we could take mini vacations, etc. Since we never made BIG money....we had just enough to raise our children and see them marry etc. But - not retirement....just thought we would live on Social Security and have part time teaching Hebrew School jobs for added income. Like the saying goes "man plans and God laughs." -
HIS, MINE, AND OURS.........
Very simply...my late husband handled his money, I handled mine and we handled ours. The "ours" was always a mutual decision. We had a joint account for paying bills, etc., which he contributed to, as well as I did. We had no problems at all. -
I handle the finances
Hello Judge Judy, I have been married for almost 16 years to my husband. In our home, I'm the one who handles the money. I'm a stay at home mom. My husband is a very hard worker but he's not the greatest when it comes to keeping track of bills. I've even managed to build us a pretty substantial amount in our savings. I feel it's a joint effort and I don't mind making sure things get paid and on time.. It works for us! :) -
Clueless widows
My experience as a probate attorney's legal assistant showed me just how ignorant most women are when it comes to finances. When someone's husband would die, they would almost always talk to me about how they really didn't know how to do the bill paying or banking or anything whatsoever to do with finances. That is a very sorry state of affairs. All women should make themselves aware of what goes on with their bills, checking, credit cards, home financing, etc. There should be courses in college just for married woman that are totally dependent on their husbands. It can also affect husbands who don't handle their own affairs and leave it all up to their wives. People of all genders should be aware of everything. -
A Bet That Paid Off!
I was a young mum at the age of 17 and quickly found out what my husband did with the money, so much so that because he never seemed to have enough for us to live on I insisted I take over the money. He wasn't really convinced and wanted to make a bet, now the bet was he had 6 months to juggle the money, then I had the other 6 months, the person who saved the most, paid every bill on time was then given the money job. Well needless to say he just couldn't save as he thought he give me a weekly house money allowance and he do everything else, like rent, bills and etc he had it in the bag no sweat, now he was a heavy drinker and at his end of time we had a little over $50 savings. Now it was my turn, I managed to not only look after the kids and pay the bills on time and save, at the end of my time I had well over $1000 in the bank. Well I won and he admitted women were better at it. Ladies never say never to being able to handle the cash, we have it in the bag. -
Wisdom works
Since I am single and have no children, I have learned from your show and life experiences what is wise. Since I don't plan to be around after I'm dead, I have created a trust with a nephew and niece. Met with a lawyer and my IRA person so everthing is copacetic. One nephew who is effective and his sister, who can procrastinate. The effective one will "push" the other and do with it as they choose. They must honor the advance directive and DNR. Thank goodness I have no debt and I will never buy something I cannot afford, it will be debt free when I die. This also eliminates a sister who was given too much by my father and now on food stamps, I choose not to contribute to her not getting a job. Live, watch, and be wise. -
Independent Woman
I have always been independent and made my own living and have taken care of my own finances married or not. It is very important for women as well as men for that matter to be able to make a good living and take care of their own finances. Much healthier on your relationship in the long run. I am a women in business and have always worked very hard and it has paid off. Work ethic helps.