Episode 30
What Makes A Good Parent?
- Video
- Stories
- Contribute
In this video, I answer a question suggested by fans: What is your primary responsibility as a parent? I think that once you’ve taken on the obligation of having a child, you are responsible for making sure that child grows up to be the best human being he or she can be. Many parents today are overprotective, helicopter parents who miss the target by overscheduling their child instead of figuring out what their child is naturally adept at and encouraging them to do those things. Hopefully, those things will turn into a passion for something that they can take as a career or vocation and become successful adults. Equally important I think is setting an example for your children and teaching them the right way to behave in a community. What guiding principles do you live by as a parent? Maybe your story of success (or failure) could help a fellow parent in a similar situation. Tell me your story.
Your stories
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What Makes a Good Parent?
I have two daughters, and I knew from the day my first was born that I only had approximately 18 years. In the spectrum of life that's not much time. I worked full time but, spent every free moment I had with my children. As they became teenagers I used the analogy that they were in the driver's seat of their own lives. I would sit next to them and hold the map but, I was not going to tell them when to make a left or a right turn. That was up to them. Although this may not work on every child, it did on mine. They are now 32 and 30 and very successful. Tracy -
A Good Parent.
A good parent does not have to have all the money in the world. Being a good parent does not mean buying your child everything he/she WANTS. However, you do have to be able to provide everything your child NEEDS. The most important things you can do as a parent is show unconditional love to your child. And, teach them manners, as in, how to respect their elders and others. Most children these days don't say please or thank you. Teach them Respect. To earn respect you must give respect. Teach them to always do their best in becoming successful in whatever it is they may be doing. Last of all, teach them to pick the right friends. Don't fall in with the wrong crowd. And, always help a person in need, if possible. These are just my opinions. -
Here's What Miss Manners Thinks...
Having only been a parent to Canines and Felines since I've spent my life as a Humane Society activist, just wanted to pass on some advice I read from someone quite smart also.. which sounds about right to me: "Parents should conduct their arguments in quiet, respectful tones, but in a foreign language. You'd be surprised what an inducement that is to the education of children." Miss Manners, Judith Martin -
From being a terror to a grown up success as Exec
My son was a late talker who began speaking at 15 months. To make matters worse, his first word was "hammer". I was mortified and revealed my shock.. I tried to forego the speech lessons, understood that he was enchanted with sports, and most of all didn't like talking. So I began immersing him in sports thru magazines books, and movies. Then one day as we were riding home from school by ourselves I decided to get him to talk. I said to him, "What did you do at school today?" He turned to me and said, "Mommy, why do you talk so much?" I explained to him that I like talking, it's fun and I learn a lot about people. We continued with sports and when he began working at major sports network, he would do anything they wanted him to do. He was promoted to executive level before the age of 40! All from a child who didn't want to talk. I love your program Judge Judy, You make all women proud. Thank you. -
What Makes A Good Parent?
ADOPTIVE PARENTS are the BEST in my book, considering we live in an OVERPOPULATED world today. Now those are deep and truly humanistic people in my book.......... -
A good parent should.....
Make sure their teenagers learn their GRANDPARENT'S texting symbols to show respect and they can really communicate: -ATD - At the Doctor's -BFF - Best Friends Funeral -BTW- Bring the Wheelchair -CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center -FWIW - Forgot Where I was -GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low -GHA - Got Heartburn Again -LOL - Living on Lipitor -OMSG - Oh My! Sorry, Gas -BOT/TOT - Blogging/Texting on Toilet - WAITT - Who Am I Talking To? -
The opposite of good parents
When my son was 5 years old we bought him a "Green Machine" for Christmas. This was a low to the ground all metal pedal driven race car. He raced that thing all over the neighborhood. It came up missing one day and when I went looking around the neighborhood found it about 2 blocks away in a front yard. I knocked on the door just to be courteous and not walk off with it. The woman who came to the door got quite incensed with me for even suggesting it didn't belong to her kids because she "had bought it for them" and called me some pretty awful things. I just listened and then told her that my husbands drivers license number was etched on the bottom of the seat and that would be a strange thing to be on her child's toy. After I was given a few more names I took my son's toy home. What a wonderful example of motherhood this woman was. -
Inspired to do the right thing...
I'm a bit off topic and on topic, I will keep this brief. Judge Judy has inspired me to do the right thing, not be a part of the legal system but to completely turn my life around. Which I think is important to good parenting. I cant teach the right thing and do wrong to my children. My turnaround brought me from the gutter to a foster parent to adopting my children.. thanks Judge Judy. I WOULDNT have done it without you. -
Hold the child
Acknowledging your child letting them know you 'see' them is a parent or carers most important job. I work on child protection and I have seen parents shower their children with the latest this and that, the latest hobby. Others who see their children as a burden, a fashion accessory and even a punch bag! They all have the same thing in common. The children are to be put up with, tolerated or used as a form of entertainment or one up man ship. Children are not a purchase. They have hopes , dreams thoughts completely different to the parents. Please just see your children in all their magnificence. Find out 'who' your child is! After all this tiny consideration you give your friends everyday. -
Encourage the Child's Mind
I had six children and as a parent I always encouraged them to be an individual in their own right. When they completed their schooling I always said find what you are good at and run with it, don't settle for second best unless that's is the last resort you have. All my children now have careers and families and they have passed my words on. As a parent you need to believe in what they can do, not push them into a corner and settle for less. One of my sons is a Pastor and that surprised me and now he is studying to teach English to students. I have a rule to never say never, and the word can't is not a word as it does not exist in the dictionary. So parents try to love, guide and most of all LISTEN to them let them be heard and never tell them they have no skills as they can learn. I love all my children and grandchildren and I wish them all the best in the future and pray they get what they want out of life and they pass that on to our future children of this world. -
What Makes a Good Parent comment
Respect for your spouse and respect for your children makes a good parent. We always had rules that had a reason. We always explained why our child was being punished and we also praised them when they were being good. Tell Judge Judy that I totally agree with her philosophy on what makes a good parent. :) -
Always teach your Children to Believe in thier Dre
I have two children, one boy and one girl. Their personalities are each different. We have instilled in our children "Honesty is the Best Policy" We hope they heed our words! I have also taught our children to Believe! Their true passion or dream which would benefit ALL! Always with Honesty and Integrity. Always better to Give than Receive should Live in their Hearts!!! -
My parents/My Self
My mom and dad lost two of their five kids due to accidents - 20 years apart. The 2nd child to pass away was my brother, from drinking and driving, when I was 13 and he was 17. What I learned from this horrible event in our life was that my parents were able to keep it together to continue raising me even though they were in the worst depths of despair. I now have 2 almost grown sons of my own and they love their grandparents, and love the time we spend with them. Everyone in our family cherishes Grandma and Grandpa, and they are considered the most important people in our family. My parents are my role models. They taught me empathy and compassion. Now I am passing that on to my children, who I hope someday will be bringing my grandkids to see me and my husband regularly, when WE will be the cherished grandparents. I guess what I'm saying is, I was lucky to have parents raised by good parents, who paid it forward. So I teach these things to my kids, the next generation. Love,love,love -
Common Courtesy Isn't OldFashioned,Just Not Common
I will never forget teaching my young sons what I call "the seating hierarchy." I had three sons and we were the first to arrive at a place which had limited seating in the waiting room. We all sat down, of course. When the seats became full and others were still arriving, I started asking my boys to give up their seats and eventually gave up mine as well. You see, I believe that the elderly or infirm deserve seats more than the young and capable and, call it what you will, that females sit first all other things being equal. An elderly woman saw what I was doing and thanked me, stating that society has forgotten this courtesy and how glad she was that I was instilling this in my sons. Perhaps some consider my ideals in how we treat others as old-fashioned, but the world would be a better place if we actually took the time to teach our children about courtesy and kindness. -
I'm Not That Bad!
Ever wonder what happened to the kids after they mature into adults with so many problems? When tragedy visits them due to their misdeeds (hurting others, prison, etc.) you then hope it will finally straighten them out. A man said exactly that about his troubled, incarcerated adult son on Facebook. In an episode of Judge Judy that same parent shot his son's 10-year old friend in the mouth through a bush during a pellet gun fight. He couldn't see the kid had his face mask raised through the bush and shot anyway. The 40-year old parent said, "It was the kids fault for having his mask raised!" He fought taking his responsibility tooth-and-nail to the end. He failed to see the bad example he gave to his sons who were also around ten at the time. His kids perfected those flaws as adults, and turned out to be a lot worse. That troubled son's Facebook is full of cursing, threatening others, seeking self-gratification at the detriment of others, and the like! He doesn't accept responsibility! -
Pay attention
I had a Nisei RN mother who practiced "Keep their minds occupied and their hands busy" with her 5 kids born in 6 years. When I was a teenager I would often argue with both my parents about politics, current events, etc.Sometimes I made them sorry they ever let me have a library card. There's a four step Buddhist approach to life which goes. 1. Show up. 2. Pay Attention 3. Tell the Truth and 4 Don't get too attached to the result. My mother would crack my head with her knuckles and say "Pay attention" when I'd be talking up a blue streak. She lost her father when she was 18, so I suspect she didn't learn Steps 3 and 4; I didn't learn steps 3 and 4 until about 5 years ago and I'm 63. There are three girls in the family, I'm a chemical engineer and both my sister's are pharmacists. My first grade teacher, Dorothy Darling said she liked us as students because my mother made sure we were "learning ready." Mom was "Paying attention." -
It's a life-long job!
Children need to be nurtured mentally, emotionally, and physically. BE there for your children. LISTEN to them. Be active with them. As parents of 5 children, we never had money to take yearly vacations, but we did things with them. I didn't just let them go out to the pool; I was in the pool with them! We went to movies together, to the park, to the amusement park, camping. We took an interest in what they were doing. Meals were family times with all of us at the table. Children learn from our example. They need to learn that actions bring consequences, and that they are responsible for their actions. Don't make excuses for them. The idea is to produce honest, self-supporting, contributing members of society. They need rules, guidance, and discipline, and that starts at an early age, If you can't control a 2-year old, you won't control a 16 year old! It doesn't end when they are 18. The worries, fears, and joys you experience with your children will follow you to your grave. -
Independence is the ultimate goal, physical and me
I agree with Judy. Part of my job is to educate my children to ensure that they have a skill with which to support themselves or their family. Another part is to teach them how to behave around others, how to be a civil member of society. Part of that is how to get and keep a job, and how to work with others. I am to teach them how to make their own choices, how to think for themselves, and to decide for themselves about what, if any, religious beliefs to follow. What it comes down to is that by the time they're grown, I've "fired" myself. -
Where did I put that pesky kid manual again?
As a working mom of three boys I am always in a state of guilt and question... "Am I doing this right? Can I do this better? Will my kids need therapy when they grow up because of me?" It's not easy being a parent. I believe that the key to raising a successful child is to balance empathy, compassion, discipline, nurturing, boundaries and guidance. The hardest of these for me are boundaries and disciple because the minute I get crocodile tears or see a quivering lip I am ready to cave. But I remind myself that I can't only be a good guy to them especially if I want them to grow up and be well adjusted & well rounded adults. Some of the worst adults I know are those that dont take ownership or responsibility for their actions. These are things I teach to my boys daily. The world needs more people with integrity and values and if I have to endure some crocodile tears to help them get there then that is exactly what I will do. I am not perfect. There is no manual. Just me. And I love them -
Good parenting
In my opinion, what makes a good parent is the same thing that makes a good person. Being true to the values you know are acceptable and teaching those to your child. Being a valuable part of society means learning the ropes and doing the right thing no matter the circumstances Teaching your children the importance of these values and directing them by example are far more important than the material things you can and may give them. They learn from you by your actions and your words. Be authentic and true to yourself and never stop trying to improve. -
Weak Kids
I know many parents who let their children sleep with them, not just once in a while but every single night, because the kids "don't like to sleep alone." This is probably the tip of the iceberg of the inmates running the asylum, in those households. I can imagine the kids not eating balanced meals because they don't like to, not doing homework because it isn't fun, and never having any limits set for them at all because the parents are afraid to anger their little angels. It is not fair to children to let them make all the decisions. That's your job as a parent. You have to be the one to set the boundaries, enforce the rules, make sure there are reasonable bedtimes (and enough beds to go around), and make sure your kids know that there will be consequences if they don't do what they need to do. Parenting takes work, and these parents, in my opinion, are just too plain old lazy to do it. You shouldn't have children if you're not prepared to do your best for them. -
Details
It is a whole different world now. When I was parenting my children in the early 1960's, before we went any place I would take the time to explain what I expected of them, and how to behave accordingly. I was always told how well behaved my children were. Children can't read minds, and haven't been here before, so it is necessary to be there to teach. Enjoy listening to their music, their hobbies, movies and TV. Remember no two children are alike. Keep honest expectations of them, most of all show them love. -
Parenting is for adults only
I didn't expect to be a lone parent, but suddenly Baby and I were alone. In the next few months I learned that the only reliable helping hands were at the ends of my own arms. My arms grew very tired sometimes, and I wished I could be the baby now and then with someone to take care of me! It is not easy to model being an adult when you are alone, scared, hungry, cold, and searching ditches for bottles and cans so you can buy food for your baby. When you are alone like this, thinking of Baby as a companion is all too easy and always wrong. A baby is a wonderful, lovable, cuddly, and funny addition to your life, but also a cranky, fussy, needy, demanding, expensive responsibility whose greatest need is adult parents. Yes, parents. One person is not enough to raise one baby. That second person is very important, because Baby needs to see how healthy loving adults relate to each other at home in order to have a loving home of his own someday. Grow up before having a baby. -
Eventually, they grow up!
I think some people fail to realize that being a parent is so much more than having cute pictures in your wallet to show off to your friends. You can give a child all the love, attention and material things in the world, but they also need to actually be raised! They need to be taught be productive citizens and decent human beings, which requires effort. I have a friend who has a 13 year old daughter. It's clear that this friend wanted a "baby" and didn't think about the fact that eventually this baby would become a child! My friend still treats this teen like she's five, giving in to her hissy fits, ignoring her rude behavior & giving her no real discipline or sense of responsibility. She's simply too lazy to deal with this strong-willed girl. As a result, the girl is an utterly rude, spoiled, lazy brat whom no one can stand to be around. Children are wonderful gifts, but if you're not going to put forth the effort to raise one for at least 18 years, then don't have one! -
A Good Parent is Alway There for Their Children
My parents split when I was 7. Growing up, mainly with my Mom, I never felt like she was there for me. I never felt comfortable going to her with a problem. I always went elsewhere.. So, I knew that when I started my family that I wanted to have a good relationship with my child. Fortunately, when my child was born I was able to stay at home and home school her. Over the years I have told her that communication is very important and she can talk to me about anything. If she did something wrong, I would rather hear it from her then finding out some other way. Parents today don't talk to their children, mainly because we don't eat together. When the child does talk, they really don't hear what the child is saying. I never want my child to be afraid to talk to me or feel like she has to go to someone else for help. That along with trust, good morals and values, respect for others and having a good conscience are some of the best things that a good parent can teach their child. -
Contribution.
I was raised in London, England by parents that were never there, not necessarily by choice, but they had to put a roof over our head and something in our stomachs. Mum always worked, so I was usually alone or felt that way. I swore therefore, when I had children I would be there, no matter if it meant lean times. I had six children over the next 22 yrs, and my desire for them was that they love God and Each other. All but one did embrace a relationship with the Creator then the years passed and some changed. This however did give them a foundation of morality, loyalty and justice. My sons became awesome men, husbands and fathers and my daughters awesome women in their own right, just the one being a mother. So their contribution as citizens has been no drain on any country they have lived in. They are as all citizens should be. One of my daughter's best friend is her brother,and he is a mentor for her daughter. Love your children and they will love back, be the example no greater gift can you give -
Failure as a parent..what not to do
Judy, I have two children; one girl, one boy. I have been through hell with my son. Both my husband and I have done so much for him. He has been in and out of prison, drug issues, violent issues etc. We have spent more money just to get him help. Drug rehab's, shrinks, etc. He has finally cleaned up his act, however he is so disrespectful. He yells, screams and pitches a fit like a child. He lives with us, and I wish I could kick him to the curb. I don't know exactly what went wrong. All of our intentions were good. He needs financial help all the time and when given he doesn't appreciate it. The more we give the more he expects. So in short I guess it's too late to change him.. I have to change and get him out. There are no books, no rules, you just do the best you can and hope one day they see the light. I have been an enabler , and giver. So my advice is if you can't be tough, don't have any children. I wish I didn't ..... -
What DOESN'Tmake a good parent I know...
As a senior myself now, for 96 years I had a mom who was a career Head Nurse, RN, at the prestigious Phillips House at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston, Mass. It was a difficult life for her and she (and I since the age of 7) would be up at 4am to shovel her car out of the snow so she could be to work every day by 6:30 am.. However, she was very bitter and jaded about life, and taught her two daughters: "Don't get mad, get even." She spent her life saving many other lives, but she herself was miserable. She was feeling sorry for herself right up until the day she died. That is why I never had children myself. Was afraid I might pass this on to them. My moral, I guess is: IF you are bitter and angry....DON'T have children. It totally RUINS generations when one feels this way.